Overleaves and a clumsy, human attempt to talk about the soul

Back in my Sunday School and Youth Group days, the content of this blog would have made me cringe. Even now, I can take a pretty good guess as to how the modern-day Christian would react to theories that appear so glaringly blasphemous. And I totally get it! It's so easy to get turned off by terms like "past life," "reincarnation," or "spirituality," because they are often related to ideas that seem to directly contradict the most basic Christian doctrine. The more I learn, however, the more respect and appreciation I have for my Christian upbringing, because there is a surprising connection between what I was taught then and what I believe now. It has taken a shift in perspective for me to see it, but now that I can, it has really inspired me to revisit the Christian faith through a more universal lens, and to extract the spiritual truths from their many layers of human distortion.

That being said, I know that my ideas seem pretty radical, and that's okay with me. It takes awhile for all of this to sink in, and I'm still only beginning to explore what it means to be a soul. There were some major concepts that I had to grasp, and the first one was that what I am, what you are, what we all are, are fragments of a larger consciousness. We start out as "baby souls" and slowly, over the course of hundreds of lifetimes, evolve into a more spiritually awakened being until we eventually become part of the whole once again. This is a pretty loaded statement, so a fun way to ease yourself into this part of your personal journey is to learn about how the soul relates to personality. Most of us have taken a personality quiz at some point or another, and it's always so interesting to read the results and learn more about yourself.  But it can also be really useful to learn about the different components of your personality, also referred to as overleaves, because it can help you gain a clearer picture of what path in life will make you the happiest. The overleaves include:

• The goal: Our primary motivation in life
• The mode: How you pursue your goal
• The attitude: The reason why we do what we do
• The center: The part of our self that we get our motivation from
• The chief feature: Our blind spot

The first time that I encountered this information, I skimmed through it very quickly because I was so eager to sink my teeth into it. I thought it might be useful to go back through it now that I have given myself some time to chew on it, so that I can get to know myself better and perhaps educate an online stranger or two in the process.

So. The first overleaf, the goal, has seven different possibilities. (You'll notice that the number seven is a pretty obvious theme. I'm not a math person, but in later entries I'll try to touch on some of the ways that numbers are related to the universe. It's so incredibly fascinating!) To summarize them briefly, they are:

• Re-evaluation: Taking stock of where you are in your spiritual journey 
• Growth: Taking on more or new lessons
• Discrimination: Developing a sense of discernment
• Acceptance: Finding your place in the world
• Submission: Learning to take care of others
• Dominance: Being the one to initiate events
• Flow: Embracing life for what it is

Interestingly, each goal can generate both positive and negative personality traits. For example, I've come to believe that my goal in this lifetime is to experience personal growth. When I give my negative pole more control, I tend to come off as complicated, confusing, or self-centered, and it is easy for me to become overwhelmed and over-stimulated. On the other hand, I am also very enthusiastic and driven when I want to be, which not only keeps me going but also gives me the strength to power through life's obstacles. Knowing that my goal is growth, my objective as a soul is to use these positive traits to get it done, which will help me create positive karma.

The next overleaf, mode, also has seven possibilities, and they are:

• Reserve: You either have the ability to show restraint (positive), or you are inhibited (negative)
• Passion: You are expressive (positive) or get easily carried away (negative)
• Caution: You are careful and deliberate (positive) or controlled by your fears (negative)
• Power: Your behavior is either authoritative (positive) or oppressive (negative)
• Perseverance: You are either persistent (positive) or you settle for monotony (negative)
• Aggression: You are dynamic and lively (positive) or hostile and contentious (negative)
• Observation: You have the ability to see things clearly (positive) or you let life pass you by (negative)

Notice again that every attribute has positive and negative possibilities. This is a theme that shows up time and time again when you are learning about how the world works, especially in relation to karma. If you put positive energy out into the world, you will attract positive energy in return. If you expel negative energy, you will receive negative energy. To me, it's glaringly obvious that I am a passionate person. While it's true that I tend to let my emotions overwhelm me, that also makes me a deeply expressive and energetic person.

The "attitude" overleaf has a lot to do with how you put your life experiences into context, and there are of course seven different ways to do so:

• Stoicism: "It is what it is."
• Spiritualism: "It could be."
• Skepticism: "It might be."
• Idealisim: "It should be."
• Cynicism: "It probably isn't."
• Realism: "It probably is."
• Pragmatism: "It must be."

In this stage of my journey, I definitely think that my attitude is very spiritual in nature. I've always been very inquisitive, and now that I've started to really focus on my spiritual journey I just can't get enough. I almost feel restless because I can't process all of this new information as quickly as I'd like to, and in the meantime my sense of wonder and curiosity is boiling over. 

You are likely already familiar with your center simply because it is how you experience life every day. Are you an emotional person? A physical person? Some people operate purely on instinct, while others are more intellectual and find they need to make sense of the world. There are also people who need to constantly be on the go in order to get the most out of their life experience. Personally, I have a hard time deciding whether I behave more emotionally or intellectually, and I think that's okay because it's human nature to allow different parts of you to "take over" in response to certain situations. I know that I'm a very emotional person and as a result, my behavior can be impulsive and volatile, but when I pause and give myself the chance, I have the ability to be rational and draw from my intellectual center instead.

Finally, your chief feature is your Achille's heel; the root of your fears and the trait which gets you into trouble. It could be:

• Self-deprecation- The fear of not being good enough
• Arrogance- The fear of judgment
• Self-destruction- The fear of losing control
• Greed- The fear of not having enough
• Martyrdom- The fear of being the victim
• Impatience- The fear of missing out
• Stubbornness- The fear of change 

I think the feature that has caused me the most problems in this lifetime is my tendency to be self-destructive, and of course that includes my ongoing struggle with OCD. In therapy I have learned how a lack of control over my own life has created my need to resort to compulsive behavior. Because my parents were so strict, I grew up feeling like I was trapped in a bubble. I know that parents need to have some degree of authority over their children, but there is a difference between teaching respect versus instilling obedience. I was expected to obey my parents no matter what, even when I didn't subscribe to their fundamentalist values. Growing up in a Christian household might have been completely different if my parents had raised me lovingly rather than dutifully, but in my case the confines of an overly sheltered childhood prompted me to spin out of control as an adult. It is only recently that I've been able to pick up the pieces and look at my experience with Christianity as an early, necessary stage of my spiritual journey.

For example, in church I participated in similar exercises that were designed to teach me about myself. I was taught that each person has "spiritual gifts," such as wisdom, knowledge, or leadership. I don't see any reason why that couldn't still be true even outside the context of Christianity; and in fact it seems like a pretty useful lesson. Identifying the things that you are good at can help you develop a sense of purpose and direction, which plays a huge role in your ability to be happy. Now, the former Christian in me gets a little uncomfortable when I push the envelope and consider who I am in relation to the universe. There is a metaphor in the Bible that relates the different parts of the human body to the different roles that people play, and the lesson is supposed to be that we all have unique, but equally valuable strengths that as individuals we can use to contribute to the greater good. I agree, but I also think that this passage can be interpreted in a more reflective context to reassure us that it's okay to be proud of who you are and enjoy being yourself, because the teeny portion of energy that we are as a fragment of the universe is nonetheless a crucial one. In church, I was led to believe that I had to give up my sense of self to be a cog in a community that I didn't want to be a part of. Now, I realize that developing and celebrating my identity is critical not only to my growth as a spiritual being, but also to the creation of the masterpiece that is the universe. In fact, visualize a mandala. There are so many different components that come together to create the beauty of the figure in its entirety. We are each like one of those pieces, and the more detail that gets filled in, the more beautiful the overall picture becomes.

L