I know I said it already, but I really want to stress that I am NOT presenting this information as solid fact. I can't prove any of this- and therein lies the fascination, I guess. The only way to find out what happens after we die is to die, and I don't plan on checking out anytime soon (The good news is that I am no longer scared of death for when the time comes). This is simply a set of theories that I have started to collect in order to find my own personal truth. It's up to you as a soul to decide for yourself what you believe. That being said, I'm going to use decisive words like "does" and "is" just because it's easier, but just so I don't have to constantly reiterate this, all I'm really doing is thinking out loud and allowing the occasional online passerby to listen in.
To me, reincarnation is the most important concept that I have studied. Basically, the word reincarnation refers to the theory that the same soul can and does exist in different bodies over a series of lifetimes. When I talk about the soul, there's a quote that I saw (probably on Pinterest, ha!) that really helped me understand the difference between the soul and the body: You ARE a soul. You HAVE a body. The soul is YOU, the being who operates your physical body, who feels and loves and has hopes and fears. Personally, acknowledging the soul has helped bridge the gap between my former and current beliefs because even in the Baptist church, I was taught that "I" am more than a body. I've spent enough time lost in my thoughts to know that life is more than a physical existence. But that was where my certainty ended and my questions began. In church, I was taught that just for being alive, I was burdened with this so-called "original sin" because some naked lady accepted an apple from a talking snake. It hardly seemed fair to me that a mistake that, let's face it, doesn't really seem like that big of a deal, would doom mankind for the rest of time. Still, I accepted this Christian version of the creation story and the idea of only one path to "salvation" because it was all I ever knew. By the time I was old enough to question my parents' beliefs, Sunday School had already permanently influenced my behavior, and I rather reluctantly went through the motions of being a good Christian girl- Vacation Bible School, purity vows, youth group, weekend retreats, the whole nine yards. As much as I tried, my heart was never into it. I was taught to accept ideas that didn't make any sense on faith, and if I couldn't believe, then it was my fault for not having enough. Looking back, it's hardly a surprise that I developed OCD- I was so terrified of doing the wrong thing that I became obsessed with perfection. That's not to say that I ever achieved it, especially considering my interest in the outside world. But even though I was a pretty good kid growing up and never got into any major trouble, I was always incredibly hard on myself whenever I did something that didn't align with my parents' strict Christian values- even when I enjoyed the misdeed. My self-imposed guilt was a constant shadow over my formative years.
Buddhism, on the other hand, teaches the concept of karma. That at least I had heard of before, usually in reference to what I wished an unkind person would swiftly receive! Karma, in a nutshell, is the theory that "what goes around, comes around." I'm going to go into this in much more depth later, but the general idea is that if you do good things and expel positive energy into the universe, you will attractive positive energy in return. If you do bad things, the opposite will happen. To me, this makes so much more sense because it means that we have a chance to set things right, and to achieve personal growth. Moreover, something that has really stuck with me is the suggestion that what we think of as evil DOES NOT EXIST. Everyone is inherently "good," but in this imperfect world we are vulnerable to make decisions out of FEAR (note: NOT hate). Accepting the influence of karma has been so incredibly freeing for me because I have always been so scared of not having "enough" faith to make it past the pearly gates. Imagine my relief when I started to live based on the passion for doing the right thing, rather than the fear of doing or thinking something wrong.
I'm going to pause here because I've been writing for hours now and I'm not used to the words pouring out of me like this- even though I like to write, it usually takes me to forever to put my thoughts into words. This entry, in addition to the previous one, is the most that I've written in one sitting since college, and probably the most EVER that I've written at once for my personal fulfillment. Yet I know I still have so much to go on this long, thrilling journey- and that being said, a bite of eat probably wouldn't hurt! To my hypothetical readers, have a great evening. Try to relax and take some time for yourself this evening, even if you're a parent like me and the word "relax" has a depressingly loose definition.
Is it cheesy to end by saying "namaste?"
-L
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